I’ve been stuck in life lately. I had both big toes amputated last September, and another on my right foot right after Christmas.
I’ve been hospitalized with complications, or in nursing care (rehab/nursing home) for all but five days of the past four months.
It’s been a ride.
In the course of all this, I decided to start blogging and writing again. After all, I went to school for magazine editorial, took on significant debt, and got a great job. Then I developed a debilitating vertigo that took me out of life. But I digress. That’s another, bigger story.
In the course of this current situation, I also decided to start podcasting. As things go, I’m great at starting!
I’ve not been so great at completion.
One example: I knew I was facing a long spell of hospitalization, so I got a Kindle collection of books to keep me busy. I’ve read through the first chapters of several of them. Not all though.
Instead, I pursued the immediacy of Twitter and Facebook. Even eBay. My old frenemy, instant gratification, had a hand in this. Actually, my whole life outlook has clung to instant gratification; after all, laying in a hospital bed isn’t a ton of adventure.
I developed a grand plan, a blog, a podcast, and a 24/7 streaming radio station. I spent a lot of money, but got little done because: hospitalized. Still, it all seemed a good plan. I’d not be hospitalized forever.
So here I be, tapping out a story on my blog, hoping to sort everything out – everything – including how disastrous my life had become, disabled, knowing I was falling ill, yet pushing myself ever harder at work, completely crashing at home. I had a plan then too.
So here I am, having been unable to sort things out to my satisfaction. My priorities are still priority: recovery, outreach, hope, and more. But they are stale, upside down, shelved and lightly dusted off – all churning in my gut. A wicked maelstrom of thought, sensation and emotion. That I intend to sort out in one blog post.
Yes, Virginia, God has a sense of humor. At least the God of sorting it all out in one blast of creative expression..
I won’t sort it out, but well- onwards!
I have several assets, acquired in the course of my hospital stay. A new MacBook. A new phone. Several domain names. I completely rearranged my online identity around my Twitter name, @addictivist. I’ve been busy, but not complete. Like my blog, podcast, radio station. Not complete.
Not sure where I was going with that. Oh well. Onwards!
This is where I find myself, on the trail through the valley of the shadow of death, camping in my hospital bed. Confused. Scattered. Scared. Not much caring for my reflection in the metaphorical mirror of the soul.
But moving onwards.